The references to Jaws, the description of a (slaughtered) shark as an “800-pound monster,”* then a few token caveats at the end—it’s all here in this abysmal piece of journalism from the Today show reporting the very big news that sharks were spotted off the east and west coasts…

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* If the shark has been killed for no reason other than “sport,” as is clearly the case, who’s really the monster in this equation—the fish, or the human beings?