Regular readers will remember that some weeks ago I traveled to Portland, Oregon, to talk about Harvard Rules, and subsequently bitched and moaned about the misery of flying on United Airlines. So great was my frustration over the appalling customer service that I actually took the trouble of e-mailing United, whose website promises a response to customer complaints within 24 hours.

Well…so United was off by about 400-500 hours. Perhaps they have a lot of complaints.

Anyway, I post below the response. The deconstructionists amongst you will note that it doesn’t actually address any of the specific complaints I had; that, in fact, it appears to be a generic response similar to the ones politicians send out when you write them about your opinion on a particular issue. Which is to say, it’s meaningless. It’s even hard to tell whether this letter is in response to a complaint or a compliment.

As I said before, no wonder United is bankrupt.

Here goes:

<

Thank you for contacting us. I appreciate the opportunity to respond.

There is much about air travel that has changed. Airport and aircraft
security is one very visible change and while procedures can be frustrating at
times, they help keep us safe. So we value your patience and support.

Other less visible changes, from adjusted timing for passenger check-in and
flight departures to recent ticket and fare policy changes, focus on our being
a dependable airline for you. Because passenger safety and well being are our
first priority, some travel delays are unavoidable. But new procedures help
minimize other delays and make travel more reliable. For instance, lobby
check-in times were adjusted to allow passengers and their bags more time to
reach their gates. And flight connection times were expanded in many cases.

To do a better job communicating with our customers and focus on your needs
and expectations, we have improved our training processes and updated our
technologies. Employee service training elements and tools have also been
enhanced to best serve you.

To make your travel reliable and easy, laser-based bag scanning technology is
used to electronically match bags to passengers. Baggage delivery has
significantly improved as a result. United EasyCheck-In and EasyInfo speed
you through the airport. These services provide automated check-in
convenience and real-time flight detail.

We’re striving to make air travel as smooth and comfortable as possible. I do
understand that there is more work to be done and I sincerely thank you for
your feedback. Please continue to send us your comments.

Sincerely,

Carol Spitelli
Customer Relations>>